Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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