I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
