I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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