you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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