I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
