Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
