I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
