why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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