You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
