just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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