He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Randomize
