I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
