The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
