my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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