Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
