You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
