i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
