you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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