Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
ugly people sure do ruin things
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
