um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
