I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
