i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
