I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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