I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
