Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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