finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
