I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
