I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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