i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
