you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
