it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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