after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
