Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
