Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
