I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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