I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just found puke in my bra..
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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