Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
are you so shy because you have an std?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
