Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
