Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
