If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
