he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Randomize
