i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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