Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
