Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
