This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
