Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
