you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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