I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Randomize