Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
