Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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