CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
