u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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