Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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