toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize