dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Sorry my hands just texted you
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
