im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
