There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
