4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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