i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
