I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
