I can't breathe out the right side of my face
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
