i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
