I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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