Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
