were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
