So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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