Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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