In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
